My Testimony: The Story Behind ‘Hey She Thrives’

Hi there! I think it’s finally time I share with you the genesis of ‘Hey She Thrives’.

I’m praying that my story, as messy and beautiful as it is, offers you a glimmer of hope. My journey, deeply intertwined with God’s grace, is a testament that He’s working in your life too, even in the hardest seasons. My wish for you is to realize that with Jesus as your rock, thriving isn’t just possible; it’s a promise.

My story begins way before I stepped into the roles of motherhood and marriage. To truly understand the essence of ‘Hey She Thrives,’ let’s rewind to the very beginning.

In the Beginning…

I grew up in a world of turmoil, far from the safety and comfort every child deserves. The vital bonds of attachment, so critical in early years, were absent in my life. This has significantly shaped the way I experience and express love.

Abuse, in its many cruel forms, and pervasive fear were my constant companions. Those who should have been my protectors became my greatest betrayers.

Truthfully, the manipulation and brainwashing were so rife that clarity often eludes me. So, I will tread only on the firm ground of certainty in my recollections.

My biological father, choosing a life of drugs and evasion over his role as a dad, left me with his mother when I was just an infant. His occasional visits were the highlights of my young life, as I was oblivious to his true lifestyle. To me, he was a hero, simply away for work.

The painful words from some caregivers, trying to paint my father as unworthy and myself as unwanted, only deepened my resentment and distrust of them. More fear. More pain.

He Will Save Us…

Around this time, my grandma gave me a nugget of truth that I believe God planted. Trying to decipher the letters in my little pink Bible, I asked her why people pray. She said, “God is our Father in Heaven, and when we pray, He will save us.”

While she was intentional about taking me to church on Sundays, this is the only conversation I can remember having about God with her. This was the first of many times I can remember that Jesus was so obviously intentional about pursuing me. Later on, this pursuit would manifest through various angels – a friend’s mother, an English teacher, a youth pastor, and a transformative conversation on a bathroom floor, among others.

As a child, I clung to her words with literal faith. If I prayed to God for deliverance from my tribulations, He would answer. So, I prayed relentlessly. Prayer became my sanctuary, my hope’s anchor, even as the tunnel’s end remained shrouded in darkness.

I yearned for escape, often contemplating heaven as a refuge far from the pain of my world.

Prayer became my revolution. This newfound understanding of a Heavenly Father – unconditionally loving and ever-present – gave me the hope that was absent in my life.

Yet, my concept of love was warped. Even now, the hardest truth I grapple with is the unconditional nature of God’s love, independent of any deeds on my part.

Believing that unanswered prayers or further hardships were a reflection of my inadequacies, I strived to be better. I excelled academically, became a surrogate mother to my younger siblings, and immersed myself in church activities. I was in a relentless pursuit to earn God’s favor, but this only led me to a point of suffocation and inevitable breakdown.

My Breaking Point

At 18, I found myself with a restraining order against my mother and my father incarcerated. It dawned on me that all my efforts had not altered the course of my life. Feeling abandoned by God, I decided to venture into life as I saw others live it.

A toxic relationship ensued, leading to compromised purity and shattered trust. When it ended, I found myself alone.

In a bathroom mirror, I looked back at a girl who was tired. Tired of trying and failing. Tired of pain. Tired of living. 

“How could you do this to me?” I asked a Friend I hadn’t spoken to in far too long. Mascara stained tears began to fall. “Why can no one love me? I am so alone, Jesus. I want to die. Why have you done this to me?” 

I don’t know how to accurately explain what happened next, but in that bathroom, I found Jesus sitting on the floor with me, tears in His own eyes, telling me He was sorry for the pain I had felt. That it hurt Him too. And then, he said something that has transformed my life.

“Thrive here.”

“Thrive here.” -It sounded like a cruel joke at the time. Thrive? How could I possibly thrive in such a desolate place?

“I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.”

Psalm 40: 1-3

The transformation wasn’t immediate. It took time, and honestly, is still processing. But as I began to look to the Lord for my satisfaction, comfort, love, hope, and purpose, I finally began to feel peace -a peace I had never known. 

Though I didn’t feel like I was thriving at first, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t happening. To thrive means to grow, and wow, was there growth. It started deep down, like a seed growing its roots in secret before sprouting. Before any “sprouting” could take place, I first had to develop my roots within the Lord.

I don’t know when, but eventually I looked around and realized it had happened. I was thriving. And while there has been pruning and wintry seasons, my strength in the Lord has remained steadfast, fueling a resilient hope that only God can give. 

What’s important to see is that the thriving didn’t start once everything got better. The “thriving” and the hope started before I got to marry the love of my life. It started before I got to know the joys of being mother. My parents are still lost and our relationships are still very broken.

Jesus told me to thrive HERE -in the midst of the chaos and the pain. And guess what? It happened. It’s still happening.

Jesus is good even when, and especially when, life is hard. 

And now, I get to teach my children about this awesome God that cares when we hurt and loves us without end.

I get to share with you, a fellow mama, wife, friend, and sister, that your life’s trials are not bigger than our God. Hey She Thrives is meant to be a plce of hope. I pray that through my story, you have been able to see a clear picture of Jesus’ love -the same love He has for you.

My story has been hard, but looking back, it is so obvious that the Lord was seeking me out, time after time, and whispering to me that He loved me.

So friend, if you aren’t sure, let me reassure you: Jesus DOES love you and you CAN thrive. Trust Him.